Somedays I just want to give up. Today is certainly one of them. Constantly studying day in and day out, missing weddings/graduations, family events, going days without makeup and keeping my hair is a sloppy bun while ignoring taking care myself entirely and still not seeing any progress in my grades has really got me frustrated.
I got through the first 6 months of nursing school by telling myself that if I work hard, my grades will reflect my effort. I received my grade back from my first Peds exam today and I can’t help but feel defeated.
I ended up scoring a 90.65%. And I know what you’re thinking, but I ask that you please don’t judge me. Yes, a 90% is a good score, I’m not saying that it’s bad and yes I know there are people who would kill for a 90%. But to me, this just shows that I’m not improving. I’ve been stuck in the low 90 range all throughout my program and it’s frustrating because no matter how much I put into this, my grades seem to stay stagnant.
No, I’m not trying to apply to CRNA school and I’m not even particularly aiming for a 4.0. I just want to be able to learn effectively. I really want to learn the material and be able to apply it to a real-life situation.I want to be the best nurse I can be.
That being said. I’m not complaining about my grades. It’s not about the grades. It’s about being an efficient and competent nurse. But I really just wish that my effort would reflect in my grades! I’m starting to have thoughts like “what’s the point” and “why do I even try anymore?” I’m giving up everything for this. Nursing school is my entire life now. I cut off social interaction, removed my social media apps and spend my life in the library for hours.
I also think I’m just trying to compensate for a lack of content in other aspects in my life by implementing success as a measure of happiness. I guess living under a rock and cutting the world out is a sure-fire way to depress yourself.
I just want to do better. Despite a lack of motivation and positivity right now, I need to continue to push through❤️