Cheers to officially being 6 months in and 2 weeks away from the halfway mark, but “BURNT OUT” is the only phrase that can 110% capture my feelings right now.
The Summer I term has been absolutely killer. Two back to back 12 hour clinical days, 7 credits of MedSurg II, 2 credits of Pharm II (WHICH REALLY FEELS LIKE 7 CREDITS), exams every week (SOMETIMES 2 BACK TO BACK), clinical paperwork, concept maps, 2 ATI proctored exams, waking up at 3 am, personal life, researching Master’s programs, memorizing every single drug ever created ever, life, the size of the moon etcetcetcetc
THE STRUGGLE IS REAL.
Currently, I’m in the midst of studying for our four final exams next week (1 MedSurg, 1 Pharm II, 1 ATI proctored Fundamentals, 1 ATI proctored Pharm). The proctored exams account for 4% of our final grades for each subject respectively. So what does that mean in simpler terms?
If ya do well and get the entire 4%, then ok good 4 u its not gonna do jack to your final grade lol. BUT! If ya bomb the proctored exams and lose that 4% lol say bye bye to 2 points on your final grade 😭
I’ve literally always been borderline of a 93% where a 94+ is an A. Which means I’m a straight B+ student according to my grading scale. I have struggled immensely with “accepting” that B’s on your transcript are not frowned upon in the world of nursing but being one question away from getting a potential A irks me endlessly.
And so yet again I am on the border of an A and a B+. Since the beginning of this semester, I told myself that I’m going to get an A no matter what.
“I’m gonna work super hard and get a 94+ !!!” Well, I’m not going to say I didn’t work super hard (I STUDIED MY ASS OFF), but I always feel like I could’ve done more. And now it’s the last stretch and I have 2 options.
I could 1) Drive myself crazy and continue to have breakdowns every few hours and feel overwhelmed by the amount of information I don’t know in ATI in hopes that I can get that 4% entirely 2) I can be calm and not worry about the result, but rather concern myself with actually learning the material
Y’all I’ve beaten myself up over these grades for the past 6 months but honestly, I’ve learned that not getting perfect grades doesn’t mean you’re not smart. I surprise myself at how much I really do know when I’m in a clinical setting and how much random information I can spout at a whim. Shoutout at that cardiologist who was blown away when I was able to recite Troponin/ CK-MB peak times & values at clinical the other day. Honestly, it’s times like that which remind that I really am learning things!
At the end of the day, what’s gonna make you a good nurse is being able to take what you learn from the classroom and apply it to a clinical setting. Keeping the mindset of studying for your patients rather than the grades really does motivate me in a more positive direction.
So for this last week of hell, I’m allowing myself to breathe and be okay with imperfection. Besides, studying to actually learn is a lot more fun than trying to study for results.